Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Last Time

Remember the last time you ever expected to sleep in your parent's house....Oh you might go back with spouse and kids but it would never be the same as that last time as their "child." The room so familiar, the memories so deep. Or maybe you remember your last few days in high school. You saw the light coming through the windows in the hallway like you had never seen it before. It was a golden morning light flecked with dust particles stirred up by feet trudging off to class. And the smell of.....well, the smell of a school. Not like a hospital, or hotel.

There was so much to look forward to. College, friends, a spouse, job, opportunities, challenges......but you were seeing some things for the last time. You were going though a door for the last time. Oh, yes, you could go back home, you could go back to visit at the high school but you couldn't go back to this time and place in your life.

We go through these doors all of the time in our lives and most of the time we never think about moving into another place in our lives.

But sometimes........
Sometimes we are aware that we are leaving behind a time and a place that will never be again.
No matter how much we look forward to what is in front of us,
We know we are in this space and time for the last time.

And so we see not just with our eyes but with all our senses,
The darkness of the room
The faint whir of the ceiling fan
Soft breeze against the skin
Silky sheets with whiffs of soapy clean.
The window glowing with moonlight
Frogs singing in the garden
The dark outline of the Mercer family secretary desk against the wall
The pile of books on the table beside the bed
The texture of cool green slate floors against the feet.

There will be other bedrooms but not this one, not this house.
This is the last night we will sleep in our bedroom in our house on Lubbock Street.
Sleeping in this bedroom for the last time isn't just about selling this house and moving to Mexico. I'm looking forward to the future but at the same time I know that I'm going through another one of those significant doors.........
Moving to another place and time in my life.


Anonymous said...

OK....so you made up cry now. I know the feeling you are talking about. It happened to me when I moved from Texas to Philly. And it happened again when we moved from New Jersey to Worcester. But there have also been times when I thought I wouldn't be able to wait to move through that door into the next waiting space. That's what I felt when I left East Texas for the Navy in 1955, and I knew that when I came home, it would never been the same because I would never been that same person again (Thankfully!!!).

Claudine said...

I feel it now too. Ironically I didn't feel that way when we sold the house last weekend...that was a relief. I do feel it about this city (Atlanta) though.